The things they don't tell you...

In no particular order...

1 - Painkillers in high doses cause constipation

I've been chewing on something like 4000mg of paracetamol and 240mg of Codeine Phosphate

a day since the operation so no wonder my innards have been somewhat quiet recently;

quiet... they've been bloody comatose!

So now I'm off to the Docs to get something to free things up... if you get my drift.

2 - Having a catheter removed can be painful...

Nurse Gladys distinctly said it wouldn't hurt. OK I accept that my definition of pain may differ
to some extent from hers but trust me that made my eyes water...

3 - Having the drains removed can be VERY painful...

I had two tubes inserted just above the wound site - they are put there to drain blood / fluid
from the wound and this helps to reduce bruising... so far so good.

Two nurses came round to remove the drain. It was a bit like 'Good cop, Bad cop...'

"Ok Robin you wont feel a thing..." Nurse Crippen says as she's preparing the swabs and trays
and whatever instruments of pain she enjoys using.

Nurse Alice leans over and whispers confidentially "It can hurt sometimes... especially when
She does it...

Nurse Alice was right... That was a real toe curler!

4 - Real men don't look good in stockings

Look at the evidence...

I mean.... look at it... I have one elephant sized leg and one wimpy little leg. I look like a reject from the Rocky Horror Show! (there is a full length shot of me and my stockings but it's just too horrible to publish here! Private viewings can be arranged if required...)

I rest my case...

5 - Morphine makes you giggle

Yes of course it does... everyone knows that... The liquid Morphine that I had the Saturday
after the op didn't take any pain away... But who cares! It's Sooooooo funny! Ha ha! He he!

Does it affect everyone like this?

6 - Simple things please simple minds...

I thought this was highly appropriate...

Some people didn't get it?

7 - Laxatives in the right doses can have the desired effect.

Sorry got to go...